Do you struggle with people-pleasing and hiding your true desires in conversations like I used to? It’s time to powerfully communicate your needs (even as a people-pleaser!)
If so, this post on the 2 simple ways to powerfully communicate your needs (even as a people-pleaser!) is for you! I’m going to share two simple tips you can use before your next stressful conversation.
1. Know what makes you feel powerful and do it before the conversation starts.
What gives you that arms back, straight spine, muscles feelin’ good, body-centered strong feeling? Maybe it’s listening to your favorite song? Or maybe it’s talking to your best friend about something really fun and awesome? What is it that gives YOU that “Fuck yeah! I’m a badass!” feeling.
As a people-pleaser, you likely don’t walk around feeling confident all the time. That means you need to “supercharge” your confidence and power before you have tough conversations. Otherwise, you will be more likely to cower and hide your true feelings out of hopes that you will be making the other person happy. This leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, and unloved.
You need to build up your own feelings of self-love and power so that you can go into the conversation and be clear. So spend some time considering what makes you feel powerful so you always have those tools at the ready! Then, do those things before you go into the conversation you have been hiding from or nervous about.
2. Be really clear about what it is that you need.
If you can go into that discussion with a plan, you can be really clear. This way, you won’t be passive-aggressive, or disappointed in yourself for not speaking up. My best tip to be clear on what you need? Journal about it first. Then, write a script before you go into the conversation so you can know exactly what you need to say.
Don’t get into the conversation and change your mind on your desire to be honest because you forgot your point. If you have a tendency to people-please, you may also struggle with staying focused on your needs.
The only person who can truly look out for your needs is you because only you can know and communicate them. Otherwise, people are just guessing at what you do and don’t want. You need to be able to communicate your needs, so be prepared with a clear statement.
It’s up to you to be really clear about what you need and then actually put it out there. You need to accept that it is not your job to manage other people’s feelings. Your job is to be yourself and be clear and be kind.
Be honest about who you are. Be courageous enough to actually been seen. This is the only way to actually be appreciated for who you really are.
BONUS: Do what makes you feel powerful AFTER the tough conversation, too.
This will help you to refill your cup and keep you from ruminating on how the conversation went. As a people-pleaser, you may be likely to want to replay every moment of the conversation. You may want to consider every sigh the other person made, memorize each word, and stress about it all. DON’T.
Don’t let yourself get caught up in the “Was that okay?” “Do they hate me now?” “Am I a bad person for being honest?” thoughts that do not serve you!
What will serve you most after this conversation is to focus on how proud you are of yourself for being honest. You need to value being honest more than being liked or pleasing other people.
In the end, if you want to have authentic relationships and genuine connections, you will need to be honest about who you are. This means you have to be okay with some people not liking you. When you get to the point where you are honest about who you really are, you then can start finding people who GENUINELY appreciate you!
It’s so worth it!
Share this post if you are ready to be more honest in your communication and leave people-pleasing behind!
Have you been trying to overcome your people-pleasing tendencies only to find yourself even more uncomfortable at work and at home?
Are your relationships tense and you’re feeling resentful?
Do you know it’s time to make a change, but aren’t sure where to start?
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